Chances are, you’ve experienced something traumatic in your life—in fact, I’d say it’s impossible to make it through life trauma-free. The thing with trauma, however, is that it’s relative to the one who experienced it—no one can tell you how it should make you feel, how to process it, or how you should heal. It’s also no one’s choice to determine when or if you share your experience.
Though opening up about trauma is a great way to start healing, there are things that should be taken into consideration before doing so. One, you want to make sure you’re ready to confront the trauma. Opening up to someone else means that you too will be reliving the experience. Two, you want to make sure that you feel safe in the environment in which you’re sharing your story. This includes trusting the person you’re confiding in–your story is special, and not everyone is going to treat it with the care and respect it needs.
I say all of this with confidence, because I had an experience that didn’t follow these guidelines. It taught me that confronting trauma in the wrong way can be extremely problematic. There are plenty of healthy ways to deal with trauma, and understanding how to cope and knowing how to identify your personal triggers is the first step.
2012, Senior Year in College:
One night, during an upper level psych class, my professor announced our next graded assignment—we were each required to share a personal trauma with the class, as well as respond to each person’s story. She gave us until the next class to prepare, and being 22, I struggled to come up with something. Though looking back now, I realize I had already experienced trauma–and maybe on some level I realized it at the time–but I had yet to come to terms with it, let alone share it with anyone else.
After spending the next several days racking my brain, I eventually came up with something to share. I wouldn’t necessarily classify it as traumatic, but it was impactful nonetheless. With my story prepared, I trudged into the next class and chose one of the many seats arranged into a circle–cue spike in vulnerability. On a volunteer basis, each person began sharing his or her trauma, and this continued for several days until everyone has spoken.
Since this was over 10 years ago, I don’t remember much of what people shared—with the exception of one story. Without going into specifics, I will say that it was pretty horrifying, and I still remember all of the details as if I just heard it. It’s safe to say that this person’s story had a lasting effect on me, as did this entire assignment.
What I Realized
Because my knowledge of mental health and trauma had not yet evolved past a textbook, I couldn’t quite figure out why I felt so negative about this experience. But many years later, I began working with people dealing with severe trauma, as well as working through my own trauma–it was through this work that I realized what was so wrong with this assignment.
First: no one should ever feel forced to share a trauma—choosing to open up and the environment in which it’s done should be a choice. Two: no one should ever be forced to listen to someone else’s trauma—not everyone is capable of handling this kind of information. Three: making someone feel like they have to expose their deep-seated pain is bad enough, but grading that person on the act of sharing their story, as well as their ability to respond to others’ stories, is even worse.
The Risk of Re-Traumatizing
This assignment might have been beneficial for some people, but for those who weren’t comfortable sharing their stories, re-traumatization could have easily occurred. The reason that it’s super important to share your trauma on your own terms and in a safe and comfortable environment, is because re-telling your story can actually flood you with all of the same sensations and emotions you felt during the experience. It would be like going through your trauma for the first time all over again. If you tell your story on your own terms, and you feel safe doing so, these flashbacks may be easier to handle, or even less powerful.
In order to understand how reliving an experience can affect you, here’s a more common example: Let’s say something embarrassing happened to you, and you decided to tell a friend about it. If you haven’t yet reached a place where you’re able to laugh at yourself, it’s likely that you felt the residual effects of that embarrassment while recounting the details. This is similar to what can happen when you open up about your trauma at the wrong place and time.
Causing Secondary Trauma
In addition to running the risk of re-traumatization, another negative outcome of this assignment could have been secondary traumatization.
Secondary traumatization occurs when a person shares his or her trauma with someone, and that person is, in turn, affected by those details–this can also occur when a person witnesses a traumatic event. Listening to someone’s story can potentially be harmful to the listener if:
- He or she can’t detach him or herself from the trauma
- He or she doesn’t know how to hold the details of the trauma in a healthy way
- His or her own traumas are triggered by the story.
Additionally, there’s another term used to describe unsolicited oversharing: trauma dumping. We’ve all experienced this at some point–it’s a classic case of someone insisting on telling you their entire life story, including their most painful memories, no matter how much you’re cringing as they spew. So Awkward.
Secondary traumatization can occur even if someone is willing to listen. Trauma dumping occurs when someone becomes a forced listener, and it can have the same negative results.
Identifying Your Triggers
Internal Factors
These are physical, mental, and emotional responses that you have, which are related to your trauma. If you’re experiencing any of these responses, they could be the result of a trigger:
- Traumatic Memories
- Anxiety
- Anger
- Sadness or depression
- Physical pain
- Muscle and body tension
- Feelings of vulnerability, abandonment, lack of control
- Feeling overwhelmed
External Factors
These are people, places, or things that you encounter, which are reminiscent of your trauma. If you come into contact with any of these things, your trauma could be triggered:
- Seeing someone associated with your trauma
- Seeing a person who reminds you of someone associated with your trauma
- TV shows, movies, or news articles that relate to or remind you of your trauma
- Sounds, smells, and visuals that you encountered during your trauma
- The anniversary of your trauma
- Words or sayings related to your trauma
- Geographic locations or places related to your trauma
Healing Trauma
The tools used to work through trauma aren’t one-size-fits-all. You have options, but you’ll need to figure out what works for you. If your day-to-day life is being affected, here are some things you can do to take back the power from your trauma and its triggers: